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Sammamish Families: With Simplicity Parenting and Mindful Parenting, Less is More

Here are two parenting approaches that emphasize that less can be more.

Take a moment to remember the dreams you had for your family before you had kids. Many of us could use some practical tools to help us “reset” our current lives, so we can realize those dreams, and create stronger family connections, reduce the clutter of our homes and raise resilient, creative children with strong problem solving skills. 

Simplicity parenting and mindful parenting are two parenting approaches that offer the opportunity to “reset,” and there are several resources on the Eastside to support families who are ready to make some changes.

Simplicity Parenting is a movement created by Kim John Payne, M.Ed. It offers a path for parents to simplify home life, which reduces stress in children and their parents and creates room for real connection and creativity. Payne created the approach after supporting children in war zones all over the world and recognizing that the signs of stress he saw in children in refugee camps, he was seeing in Western children. He called it the “undeclared war on childhood.” In response, Payne wrote his book Simplicity Parenting, which is now used as the text for study groups around the country. 

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Payne emphasizes that what he suggest parents do is achievable and based on brain research on what kids really need at each stage of development from infant to teen. The steps Payne encourages families to take are simplifying the home environment, creating a predictable rhythm to the family’s day, reducing over scheduling and unplugging the child from excessive use of screens. 

For parents who think this approach of  “less is more” might help their families, tonight (Sept. 21) at  in Bellevue, at 7 p.m., there is an introductory evening for parents of kids of all ages with Simplicity Parenting educator Judy Erbe. There is a suggested donation of $10. Erbe will present an overview of the program and invite Eastside parents to register for a series of seven upcoming Wednesday night meetings this fall, which will use the book Simplicity Parenting as its text. Parents who have questions about the Sept. 21 session, or would like to register but can’t make the meeting tonight, can email Erbe at judyerbe@comcast.net.

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Mindful parenting is another approach, that is very compatible with simplicity parenting. It emphasizes giving kids what they really need at each development stage and creating enduring family connections. Patti Pitcher is a Snoqualmie mother of four children ranging from ages 16 to 30, a parenting coach and the co-author with Ann Ruethling of Under the Chinaberry Tree, Books and Inspirations for Mindful Parenting

Pitcher says mindful parenting, "is the process that you go through to unwind all the unconscious patterns that come from your childhood. Rather than just repeat what was done to you, you consciously choose your own parenting style."

How do you become more mindful? "Be very conscious of your own emotional reactions." When you react to your child in anger, reflect on "why did that make me so angry and send me to the moon. Take time later, away from the situation and tune into yourself. Ask yourself what was really going on." That anger often is actually triggered from a very "specific place in yourself where you are hurt. If you become conscious in this way, you heal and don't have to pass on that trigger to your kids."

"My parenting is a way of being. When my kids were little I had a challenging job, busy husband and the mindfulness came from within me," Pitcher says, and not from the "outside".

“Parents need to lower the family stress level. Start simply. Try eating dinner together. I read an interesting study of Rhodes Scholars and the only thing that they had in common is that their family always ate dinner together.”

Children, she says, “need balance and structure. Parents get sucked into the culture of 'more is better,' which leaves little time for kids to experience childhood." It is OK to limit activities, Pitcher says. "Let them pick one sport and one instrument and then listen and if he or she says, 'I really want to do art' - don't add that on top but let it replace something they really don't want to do any more." 

Pitcher and her husband also consciously limited their children’s screen time. In the long run, says Pitcher, kids that are hooked on electronics, computers and TV “have way fewer skills and coping, knowing how to play, social skills, give and take.” You learn these, Pitcher says, “when you are actually dealing with another person.” When you raise your kids without excessive screen time “you end up with way more interesting people. Our kids got into every college they applied to including Stanford.”

Pitcher adds, “When you are ready to make a change in your family’s schedule, reduce screen time and reduce the clutter or excessive toys and books, it will be challenging at first. The first month will be really, really hard. Prepare ahead of time. Have activities tucked away. Don’t choose to make a major change in an already stressful time. Think about when will be the best time. Perhaps consider making national 'Turn off the TV Week' into a month.”

“Once you’ve done it for a month, kids will disengage. But parents must stop it too. You have to show them how fun life can be.”

It is a harder path in the short run admits Pitcher. “People are exhausted and stressed. It is tempting to take the easy way, but trust me it is only easy in the short run, but not in the long run.”

And what kids need in the long run is “unplugged play in a rich environment and time enough to experience the environment.”  

Parents who are interested in engaging Pitcher as a parenting coach, can contact her at pattipitch@gmail.com. And unplugged play and learning in a rich environment is available on the Eastside at the The Outdoor Preschool at  in Redmond, at Three Cedars Waldorf School in Bellevue and at Summer Winds Day Camp in Snoqualmie.

Editor's note: To read more of Kathleen Miller's .

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