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Health & Fitness

My kid is not an Honor Student. That's Just Fine!

Are you losing sleep worrying about 3s on your child's report card? Average is good.

Here on the Sammamish Plateau we have an exceptional opportunity to educate our children in some of the in America.

Our teachers are awesome, the schools offer programs not seen in inner city educational systems and our kids can grow up to be geniuses, right? Not necessarily.

Even though our kiddies are being given the opportunity, many children will simply be average students and that is perfectly acceptable. Think Stuart Smalley (Al Franken) affirmations on "Saturday Night Live" and tell yourself it’s OK for your children to not have a burning desire to absorb all the education in front of them. They are children, after all. Coming home with a report card full of “beyond expectations!” is lovely if the child enjoys the school system, works hard at studies and challenges are being met. But most children look forward to lunch and recess and drift along in the curriculum, happy to be sitting next to their best friend and having art once a month (Shout out: PTSA and parent volunteers rock the art programs for the Lake Washington School District).

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Kids love to run around, eat candy, sing, kick balls and do farting noises with their armpits – do you actually expect them to memorize Lewis and Clark’s route with enthusiasm? How about four pages of math homework after they’ve spent six hours in school that day, when they’re only nine years old? Of course it will be difficult when SpongeBob calls from the box in the family room or their friends are rip sticking out in the cul-de-sac.

Children love to be silly and school work is seldom silly (although I have to say it’s way more fun than in the 1960s when I went to elementary school).

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My point is this: If your first grader comes home with a request to join a safety net group, don’t fret. It’s a program meant to help them catch up to the rhythm of the class. Your kid is not dumb, destined for failure or doomed to be an underachiever for all time. Just like children grow at different rates, they learn at different rates too. They’ll catch up. If by some chance they don’t learn well in the formal school system, just know there are choice schools at the middle school level. Some kids who don’t get top marks are phenoms in their own right at Guitar Hero. Some have a way with animals that is mind boggling. If it worries you that math or reading scores are low, spend some time figuring out what skills your child used to learn all 30 rock songs at the highest level and try to use that to help them in school. But always revel in their accomplishments. I suck at Guitar Hero but used to love to write tests.

Remember it is the teacher’s job to teach your child so they’re going to do everything to ensure your child does not fall behind. And they want high test scores for many reasons – it is their job to produce results, they care, kids need to learn etc. When little Katy or Jimmy causes concern for the teacher, you must take it in stride and say “I’ll do what I can to support your suggestion that they need extra attention.” But please don’t freak out, especially if it’s elementary school (Think of the movie Parenthood or watch Modern Family on Wednesday nights).

Repeat five times -- They’re kids!

As mothers we internalize everything, stay awake at night worrying and think that every criticism of our children is a mountainous catastrophe but spend countless hours telling our girlfriends not to worry when their child gets 2s across the board on the report card. Face it, some children don’t like math, don’t care about the spelling test on Friday and may not establish good study skills until junior high.

I'm not writing this from the Quest program parking lot. My kids don’t love to do homework and struggle along sometimes but I try to remember that average scores are perfectly fine. Never again will my children get back the childish abandon they feel now on a sunny day when their bike calls to them. All too soon they will be in the working world with worries of their own. By letting them be kids and not early entry college candidates, you do your children a huge service.

That’s not to say when homework time rolls around they shouldn’t learn to sit still, focus and get their work done, only that it’s our job as parents to not let every little thing gather such momentum that we are unable to function. We are examples for our children. Think Stephen Sondheim’s song “Children Will Listen” from the Broadway play “Into the Woods.” Careful the things you say.

Some kids are destined to be geniuses and some are not. If your child is happy and you see a future for them as anything that will allow them to live well, don’t panic. They might find a passion in their teens and excel, they might be good at many things, they might not blossom until their formal education is finished (think artists) but all you can do as a parent is praise them, guide them and set an example as someone who does not let life get them down. Again Steven Sondheim.

As always, this is my humble opinion, garnered from what I've learned the hard way. I wrote this column after conversations with fretting mom friends who have children struggling (this month) in the early elementary grades who worry that this is a pattern for all time and that their precious children are destined for failure. They’re not.

Take a deep breath and repeat five times: They’re just kids.

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