How to: Gift your Teacher

When I was in grade school, we never gave my teachers presents. I don’t remember anyone else giving teachers presents either.  (As a highly anxious and insecure child, I noticed everything that made me different from the other kids. If you know me now, no comments…) When my child started preschool, the parade of gifts left me speechless. First day of school, teacher birthdays, Christmas, Teacher Appreciation Week.

At first, I thought these were parents who happened to know their children’s teachers socially, but as The Boy progressed through grades, I realized it’s just What’s Done.

This social obligation to purchase gifts for teachers left me in some confusion. What changed between my childhood and my son’s? Was it simply a generational difference between Baby Boomers and GenXers? Was it regional differences between the Midwest and the Pacific Northwest? Or simply economic? (Median income for Sammamish in 2009 was $136,689; in Mascoutah, IL it was only $55,018.)

Regardless of what was behind the changes, I realized I had no idea just what to give my kid’s teachers. Every year caught me scrambling and posting rather desperate messages on Facebook. This year, in an effort to spare anyone else the gift angst I’ve dealt with, I went straight to the source and quizzed several teachers I know.

I asked teachers all across the country (and by “all across the country” I mean in Colorado and Washington) and across several school districts. I’ve gathered up the responses I received and put together a how to guide for the season.

Please know that every teacher I spoke with deeply appreciated receiving gifts—it is, after all, the thought that counts—but they did have some excellent suggestions and a few requests. Any snark here is my own.

If, after reading this, you’d like a more personal gift, check your school office. Many schools have “favorites” lists the teachers fill out just for this purpose. (And if your school doesn’t, ask your principal or secretary to create one.)

A few don’t's

Lay off the Starbucks gift cards. One Christmas, a teacher in Colorado received $100 in Starbucks gift cards. She didn’t mention how many cards that was, but I have a mental image of her shuffling through twenty $5 cards asking, “How much is left on this one?” One teacher mentioned the friendly after-Christmas Starbucks competition, “I got $45. How much did you get?” Unless you know your teacher LOVES coffee, consider laying off this gift idea.

Avoid the “teacher” gift. It’s likely your teacher has been teaching 25+ kids for several years now. Suppose she receives 30 gifts each school year (with at least 3+ gift-giving opportunities, this number is probably low). Suppose each of those gifts has an apple or a “best teacher” slogan on it. And each of those gifts needs to be displayed to show thanks and appreciation to the giver…

Your teacher may be up to her eyeballs in apple gifts; she appreciates the thought and time you showed in picking out the gift, but maybe leave these items on the shelves.

Avoid the tchotchkes. And for much the same reason as the teacher gift. Coffee cups, teacher or holiday ornaments, candlesticks, and kitschy decorations all take up mental and physical space and are easily confused, lost, or broken.

Avoid the extravagant gift. Every teacher has a tale of someone they know receiving airline tickets or a fancy techno-gadget or a high-value gift card from a single family. Some teachers will love being spoiled like this, while others will worry whether it’s proper to accept such an extravagant gift. Many teachers entered the profession to do a public service, because they love kids, and not for the possible perks. Rather than run the risk of making your teacher uncomfortable, avoid financially extravagant gifts, or be extravagant with your time and your heartfelt words. If you know your teacher personally and wish to give a gift like this, do it in private.

And a few do’s

Do give a note. All the teachers I spoke with loved receiving notes from parents and kids. Most kept the notes in some sort of “pick me up” box to be re-read during difficult times.

Do give gift cards. Everyone has to eat, and everyone shops. Consider “generic" gift cards to satisfy those needs. Restaurant.com sells gift cards that can be used at many different restaurants. Gift cards to big box stores (Target, Fred Meyer) or a mall (Bel-Square, Redmond Town Center) are better than cards to a specialty store. One teacher really appreciated the gift card to Brown Bear Car Wash she received, while another loved the gift card to the local movie theater chain.

Do give class gifts. The Room Parent can collect any cash families plan to give and then get one large gift card rather than a dozen smaller ones. RPs can ask to leave a greeting card and envelope with the school secretary for parents to sign and leave their donation. Then the RPs just go and pick up the gift card.

Give time. Volunteer if you don’t normally, even if it's a project you take home and bring back the next day. Drop by with a hot drink during a cold recess and let your teacher know how much you appreciate her. These things can be arranged for during the holiday season, but actually done when everyone is a little less busy.

Give time indirectly. Give kits for making soup or cookies or a pasta dinner. Give homemade cookies or tortillas or stuffed grape leaves. The time it takes to make these items not only helps your teacher provide for herself and her family, but it shows how much you appreciate her when you’re willing to spend that time on her rather than something else.

Give to charity. Consider giving a gift to a charitable organization in your teacher’s name, especially if she’s a strong proponent of public service. Talk to your teacher to find out her favorite causes and then honor those causes with a small contribution.

Remember the staff. Across the board, the teachers I spoke with felt the aids, custodians, secretaries, and the specialist teachers (music, PE) are the unsung heroes in our schools. Consider gifting them also. Everyone likes to hear how their work is appreciated, and it’s awfully hard to feel appreciated when you have to wipe maple syrup off the tables on Pancakes for Lunch Day.

Vote. In the words of one teacher, “Above all, if parents can remember to vote supporting education at all times and in any election when it comes up, they contribute the greatest ‘gifts’ not only to our teachers and staff at our schools, but for the ultimate well-being of their own children and future generations of children.” for Sammamish in August 2011 was only 25%, lower than that for all of King County. We can do better than that. For our children and our teachers.

One last Do

Do what feels right for you and your family, and only gift your teachers if it feels right. In the words of one of my teacher friends, “Your kids’ grades and how they are treated by me will not be influenced by the size or value of your gift. I would rather get a card with a handwritten note about how I have impacted your child than a fancy schmancy gift. I would rather get nothing at all than a ‘duty’ gift. It's okay to not give a gift. I don't keep a score sheet.” 

And finally, one teacher’s most treasured gift was when a student stood up and sang a song for her. It was all that student had, but she sang with her whole heart. As with any gift, it’s the thought behind it that is treasured.

Val Serdy is an editor and mother who is guilty of giving a few of the “don’t” gifts on this list.